The Definitive List of Halloween Costumes for People Who Live Extremely Online

No need to dress up. Or leave your house. Or get off your devices.

Credit: VW Pics/Getty

If you’re uninspired to dress up this Halloween, here are some digital solutions for approaching the holiday by just continuing to exist extremely online.

Don’t respond to that bad date.

Now you are a ghost.

Make your unpopular tweets disappear.

Now you are a witch.

Gain a new follower.

Now you are a religious figure.

Delete your cookies.

Now you are a health blogger.

Use a streaming service.

Now you are a salmon.

Accidentally reply all.

Now you are a monster.

Select something and move it to a new spot.

Now you are a drag queen.

Utilize a megabyte.

Now you are a vampire.

Make Alexa do something for you.

Now you are Jeff Bezos.

Log in.

Now you are a lumberjack.

Use a mouse.

Now you are Walt Disney.

Encounter a firewall.

Now you are a firefighter.

Stay in airplane mode.

Now you are a jet-setter.

Use Face ID.

Now you are the government.

Download a movie you didn’t pay for.

Now you are a pirate.

Open a window.

Now you are a conservationist.

Become a webmaster.

Now you are Spider-Man.

Use the space bar.

Now you are an astronaut.

Go from 0% to 100% battery.

Now you are a Power Ranger.

Hashtag MAGA.

Now you are a clown.

Cut and paste.

Now you are a kindergartner.

Organize your folders.

Now you are Marie Kondo.

Share something you wrote.

Now you are a publicist.

Create a username.

Now you are a parent.

Go deeeeeep in someone’s Insta.

Now you are a detective.

Force quit.

Now you are a boss.

Change songs on your playlist.

Now you are a world-famous DJ.

Exit dark mode.

Now you are God.

Boot up.

Now you are a cowboy.

Look for something in the cloud.

Now you are a meteorologist.

Check your bank account balance.

Now you are depressed.


Now you are an NRA member.

Encrypt something.

Now you are the crypt keeper.

Swipe left.

Now you are still a spinster.

Open an attachment.

Now you are a therapist.

Utilize “Find My iPhone.”

Now you are regretting last night.

Share a recipe on Facebook.

Now you are my aunt.

Purchase several apps.

Now you are drunk at Applebee’s.

Clap for my stories.

Now you are an angel.

Slide into my DMs.

Now you are my boyfriend?

Track a package.

Now you are me watching male sports.

Read your symptoms on WebMD.

Now you are dead.

Copywriter by day. Humor writer by night. Exhausted by afternoon. @omgskr /

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store