How I Rationalize Spending Hundreds of Dollars on Woo-Woo Bullshit

It’s more than Wellness™ or self-care. It’s about taking control.

Emily Kirkpatrick
GEN

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Photo: ullstein bild/Getty Images

II generally consider myself a rational human being. My friends will tell you I’m a natural-born realist with a caustic sense of humor. Add to that a career in journalism where I’ve been trained to approach everything with a healthy dose of skepticism and you’d think I’d be thoroughly immune to even the slightest hint of a grift. But thanks to a decade spent covering the fashion industry, and the impenetrable allure of all things New Age, I’ve also developed an uncanny ability to justify even the most outlandish price tag. So I’m not totally shocked to discover that despite having quit my job with very little disposable income rolling in, I still managed to spend $212 in January alone on woo-woo bullshit.

About once a month, I shell out $37 for a breathwork class which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like — a workshop where you pay to lie in a drafty, palo santo-scented Williamsburg yoga studio illuminated by twinkle lights while you and five other women breathe air in a particular way for two hours. I spend $27 on a monthly subscription to a workshop series that promises to help me unlearn subconscious limiting beliefs that are blocking the universe from making all my dreams come true. The…

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Emily Kirkpatrick
GEN
Writer for

Emily Kirkpatrick is a writer for hire currently covering all things Vanities at Vanity Fair.