Power Trip
How to Merge Your Finances Without Getting Divorced
When money moves from “mine” to “ours,” things can get tense
A few years ago, my husband and I beat the millennial odds and purchased a home together.
Becoming a homeowner is complicated enough on its own, but for me, it was an emotionally tough process as well. When I contacted lenders, they only wanted to talk to my husband. When I sent the down payment I had been saving for years, the escrow service asked him for details. And when we finally closed on our home and I sent a thank-you email to our lender, they replied, “You’re welcome. Congratulations, Brian!”
As someone who prided herself on being independent, I felt like I was witnessing my biggest fear about merging my financial life with another person’s: losing my sense of autonomy. Suddenly, I worried I was giving up too much of myself to be in a marriage, a fear that triggered all sorts of other problems we had to work through — about intimacy, identity, and independence.
Merging your money with another person isn’t just a financial move, it’s also an emotional one. It can be a trigger for potential issues with trust, communication, and validation — in short, all the ingredients you need for a healthy relationship. But there are a few steps…
