Drew Magary

I Am the Intolerant Left

Impeachment should only be the beginning. There’s no shame in being utterly intolerant of what Donald Trump and his party have inflicted upon the world.

Credit: David Dee Delgado/Getty Images

I’I’m not ready to be happy yet. After dragging her heels to the point of exposing raw bone, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced yesterday that the House would open up a formal investigation into impeaching President Trump, for the crime of…

[surveys a vast, sumptuous buffet of crimes committed by Trump, with the Ghost of Christmas Present sitting behind it and beaming with pride]

…urging the president of Ukraine to dig up dirt on Joe Biden and his family and possibly withholding financial aid to that country unless said dirt was procured. I can’t believe it took three years and Trump wriggling out of roughly 500,000 other jams for us to get to the point where we can even BEGIN the process of impeaching him strictly for posterity. But that’s how utterly broken shit has become.

And so while I’m glad we somehow got the impeachment process a millimeter off the ground, I’m not exactly satisfied. I dunno why anyone else would be. I can’t tolerate Trump being president, nor the pitch-black shitscape he’s built around him, for one second longer.

I want Trump and his supporters shamed into oblivion, and that’s the NICEST consequence they deserve.

That’s right. I’m one of those people. I’m the guy who will judge you for a single bad tweet. I’m the guy who doesn’t even have to read the David Brooks column to immediately rule that it will be both wrong and insufferable. I’m the guy who has his conservative bullshit detector jacked all the way up like it’s a Geiger counter. “So much for the tolerant left” has become such a well-worn ironic Twitter joke that I’d just like to take a moment and acknowledge, without irony, that I really AM a member of the intolerant left. That’s me. I’m the one with an itchy canceling finger. I want Trump and his supporters shamed into oblivion, and that’s the NICEST consequence they deserve.

Trump’s election, and the people and systems that enabled it to happen, provided a clear notice that people shouldn’t tolerate anything about the way things are right now. It was a big, red SHIT BE FUCKED sign written in the goddamn sky. I have no tolerance for Trump, nor for his brain-dead family. I have no tolerance for the electoral college. I have no tolerance for a Senate unwittingly constructed to give a disproportionate amount of power to our dimmest citizens while actively stonewalling the desires of the majority of Americans. I have no tolerance for Republicans who have embraced Trump while also pretending like his stench doesn’t cling to them. I have no tolerance for them gerrymandering every last map, holding every last judicial vacancy hostage, and diligently crafting laws to make sure that only people who get to vote are white people over 50 who have never gotten a parking ticket.

I have no tolerance for Republican voters. I saw enough TRUMP THAT BITCH T-shirts at the 2016 RNC to know that all their talk about freedom and patriotism is just a cheap disguise that grows cheaper by the day. I have no tolerance for their intolerance of blacks, Latinx people, Muslims, gays, women, addicts, Californians, artists, salads, and pleasant men. I have no tolerance for their billionaire donors. I have no tolerance for their proxies in the media, whether it comes in the form of a racist bloodhound like Tucker Carlson, or a desperate airhead like Meghan McCain, or an “intellectual” conservative dick like Bret Stephens. I have zero interest in hearing any defense of these people. To treat them with “tolerance” is, in actuality, to be complacent. If I had my way, they’d all be working at a fucking Ross Dress For Less. The Trumps, too.

I have no tolerance for the right-leaning Democrats who cater to these fuckheads either because they think it’s a sound political strategy, or because they aren’t really Democrats at all. I have no tolerance for liberal fossils who sit in the back row and scream out YOU JUST GOT TRUMP REELECTED BRO because some other Democrat out there said something nice about, like, Medicare For All. I have no tolerance for any Democratic 2020 candidate who can’t help but add a hundred BUTs after they say a few superficially nice things about a legitimately progressive idea. I already know those people are gonna cave and waste everyone’s time, time of which mankind is quickly running out. I have no tolerance for their prewatered down garbage.

I have no tolerance for Pelosi standing there — bearing witness to Trump openly caging kids, diverting military air traffic so that the troops have to stay at one of his own tacky resorts, blaming Puerto Ricans for their own hurricane death toll, making nice with the Taliban, making nice with Kim Jong Un, obstructing justice in a different collusion scandal, hinting that female lawmakers were willing to blow him for favors, and committing innumerable other acts of wanton corruption — and still taking years before she decides she’s open to the idea of considering almost establishing a committee into exploring a possible investigation into things.

I have no tolerance for torture fetishists like John Yoo bitching that the office of the Presidency (which, for some politicos, is itself some kind of enchanted talisman) will somehow be tarnished because we impeached a demonstrably criminal president. I didn’t even know who John Yoo was until he pubbed his little diatribe in the Times and other people in my carefully crafted online echo chamber told me he worked in the W administration. That’s all I needed. I trust my bubble. Fuck that guy. I’m not gonna tolerate doing 12 extra days of research just to find his good qualities.

I have no tolerance for James Comey. No one does.

Why should I, or anyone else, tolerate any of these people? Why now? The Amazon is burning. The polar ice caps are about to fart out gaseous battery acid. The only money going toward our public schools is money to build curved hallways so that mass shooters can’t slaughter quite as many children as they used to. Greta Thunberg pleaded with the UN to take drastic action in the face of global warming and she was greeted with a barrage of red-state contempt that has become utterly predictable. Normal. Tolerable for a great many.

Thunberg isn’t even the first child activist to be on the receiving end of conservative hatred. Do you know why kids like her and David Hogg have been subjected to endless death threats and libel? Because they had the gall to look at this world with fresh eyes and say, rightly, that it is INTOLERABLE. That’s been their greatest offense. Any normal person who was airlifted into right now from some other isolated place or time would agree with those kids. So you will excuse me if I have no patience for established leaders and their minions acting like dramatically changing this world for the better is both unrealistic and scary. This is the scary part. You’re living in it. Without change — without even something as basic as formally censuring Trump — it will only grow scarier.

The late John McCain was held up as an exemplar of how Americans can solve any problem so long as they sit down and listen to one another. He was a supposed tribute to an analog age where people from both sides could politely find a way to live alongside one another. John McCain sucked, and he was party to a political process that has brought us here, where hugging it out will NOT solve anything, especially with our political infrastructure surreptitiously designed to snuff out bold entreaties from the left flank.

I’m not gonna tolerate doing things the nice way any longer. I’m gonna point fingers and I’m gonna be outraged and I’m gonna do all the supposedly rash and irresponsible things that conservatives like Trump think is ruining America, when they have already damn near left the country in ruins. I’m not gonna deny being part of a witch hunt.

Get me a pilgrim hat and a pitchfork and let’s get this thing started.

Columnist at GEN. Co-founder, Defector. Author of Point B.

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