Great Escape
I Fantasize About Online Menus
I live out all the lives I’ll never live through the meals I’ll probably never eat
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It has been 10 minutes, and still, I can’t decide between the chicken or the shrimp laksa. I’m craving seafood, but suspect the shrimp come with their head and shells on, and I’m not sure I can deal with the added labor. There are extras to consider, too — toppings of charred aubergine, crispy fried tofu or half a soft boiled egg. I want all three, but not at once. And do I have the rice noodles or the egg, and is it weird to ask for both?
At this point, the waiter should be circling impatiently, eager to get orders through and keep turning the tables (there’s a no-reservations policy, of course). But I’m not in a critically acclaimed Malaysian restaurant in North London. It’s 11 a.m. and I’m at my desk in the box room of a house in a quiet suburb, staring out the window at the rain lashing against the leaves. I’m tired and bored of my work. So for a brief moment, I think about slurping a rich, umami broth, and feeling the delicious heat of the chili hit the back of my throat.
Poring over restaurant menus has become one of my most rewarding pleasures. My first vivid memory of holding a menu was at a 12th birthday celebration at a local chain restaurant. Eating out wasn’t routine in our family. It was saved for special occasions and never anywhere overly grand. Holding that tripled-folded laminated card and choosing my own personalized dinner felt like a thrill. I got to do it all over again for dessert when I always ordered Death by Chocolate because it felt like it was challenging me. I’d push the sundae glass away after several spoonfuls, defeated but still alive.
As I became an adult and moved from small towns to big cities, eating out become less of a novelty, but the excitement of opening a menu for the first time never went away (even if the desserts got more refined).
I know I’m not alone in my menu habit. Many people take great pleasure reading the specials on a sheet of brown kraft paper, and others look up the place they’re going that night and spend a few glorious minutes wallowing in the culinary possibilities that lie ahead. I do both these things, but I also regularly spend…
