I Refuse to Kill People by Pretending Things Are Fine
Normal life isn’t coming back. To pretend otherwise is deadly.
The few times I’ve gone out to “enjoy” a nonessential service since shelter-in-place began in Chicago, I’ve found it to be an intensely guilt-ridden, hollow experience. Buying a coffee, getting a sandwich, shopping for clothes at Target when I didn’t really need to — I thought these exercises would feel comforting and normal. Instead, they have felt like a perverse mimicry of my old life, a game of pretend played at the expense of workers with a lot less power and security than me.
A week ago, I went to a walk-up window and bought a bubble tea. The shop had been open all month, ever since Illinois entered the tentative “Phase 2” of its reopening plan. I told myself what I was doing was safe. I reasoned it was good for me to support a small business. I hoped it would feel familiar and reassuring to make a silly, small purchase, and thought I deserved to dip a tentative toe back into the pool of normalcy.
The bubble tea shop was shuttered, all its regular tables and chairs piled up in the back. The door was locked, and one window was open a fraction of an inch. A lone employee was behind the counter, making drinks. You were supposed to signal to him you were ready to order by waving at the webcam that…
