If You Say “Cancel Culture” One More Time, So Help Me

Children are being kidnapped in Texas, Jennifer. It’s not the time.

Jude Ellison S. Doyle
GEN
Published in
4 min readMar 14, 2022

--

A small child looks at his laptop with the infinite boredom of a much older man.
“I’ve already read this piece 47 times, and I’m ten years old.” Photo by Thomas Park on Unsplash

Let’s take a deep breath and look at where we are, in March of 2022: War is raging abroad. A plague has decimated the population. The state of Texas has begun investigating trans parents and/or supportive parents of trans children, with the ultimate goal of removing children from their homes. There is a national anti-LGBTQ+ backlash. Roe v. Wade is going to fall any minute. Former mid-tier ladyblog editor Sarah Hepola is worried that people might get mad at her if she publicly defends Brock Turner.

Oh, fuck. Are you kids talking about cancel culture again?

Children, we’ve been through this. “Cancel culture” isn’t real. It can’t get you. You know what’s going to get you? Chernobyl, possibly. No kidding: In my browser, I have open tabs for two recent articles. One of them, published on March 10th, is entitled “The Situation at Chernobyl Is Deteriorating.” Putin has been bombing, the power has gone out, international authorities are no longer receiving readings on the radiation levels, and the ventilator system keeping the exposed nuclear waste cool isn’t working; “if the cooling system isn’t running the way it’s supposed to, there’s a window of at least a couple of weeks before the threat of meltdown arises.”

The second article, published two days later on March 12, is “The Things I’m Afraid To Write About,” by Sarah Hepola.

Now: Would you like to guess which article got more attention?

Look: Hepola’s article is bad. It’s also interchangeable with all the other articles on this exact subject, including the one that ran in the New York Times a week ago. She spends several…

--

--

Jude Ellison S. Doyle
GEN
Writer for

Author of “Trainwreck” (Melville House, ‘16) and “Dead Blondes and Bad Mothers” (Melville House, ‘19). Columns published far and wide across the Internet.