Column
If You’ve Ever Been in an ICU, It’s Hard Not to Be Terrified of Coronavirus
Almost 10 years ago, a fever escalated into something far worse. This pandemic taps right into my deepest fears.
I’m not proud to admit this, but I’m terrified of getting Covid-19. Specifically, I’m terrified of getting it and dying in the hospital on a ventilator.
I’m not proud of this terror because, rationally speaking, it’s misplaced. I’m not in a group at elevated risk of dying from it. I’m healthy and relatively young. Given all the people who have a legitimate right to fear serious disease, my anxiety feels self-indulgent to the point of being offensive. I try not to mention it to my elderly friends and neighbors when I check in with them, but there I am, obsessing about the errant cough and monitoring my breathing for any trace of wheeze. The reason is that I know it’s possible to go from being healthy to being gravely ill in a matter of days. I know firsthand what it’s like to think you have the flu, land in an intensive care unit, and nearly die.
Almost 10 years ago, after feeling run-down for a day or so, I suddenly developed a fever. I’ll never forget the moment it descended upon me. I was an opinion writer for the Los Angeles Times and had just…
