My Personal Quest to EGOT

I may never win an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, or Tony. But damn it, I will touch all the awards.

Frances McDormand with her best actress Oscar in 1997. Photo: Steve Starr / Corbis via Getty Images

I have never won an award in my adult life, nor do I expect to. The kinds of things I am exceptionally good at — eating pasta with red sauce, smoothing over an awkward conversational silence by commenting on how the furniture has a kind of je ne sais quoi — are not the…