Column

President Trump’s Favorite Kinds of Voters, Ranked

A lot of people don’t know this, but there are exactly 38 kinds

Photo: Erik McGregor/Getty Images
  1. Abusive parents
  2. Plastic surgeons who get three stars or less on Yelp
  3. Men livestreaming from the driver’s seat
  4. Evangelicals no longer interested in pretending
  5. Boaters operating their boats without any official license or instruction
  6. “Khaki dads”
  7. Tiger Kings
  8. Washed-up comedians
  9. Toppled statues
  10. Cops who learned all their best practices from watching Bad Lieutenant
  11. Fifteen-year-olds who kill stray dogs for fun
  12. Palm Beach but not West Palm Beach
  13. The law-abiding citizens of Rock Ridge
  14. Nielsen households
  15. Rural coke fiends
  16. “Let me get this straight” Twitter
  17. Formerly prominent actors who can no longer find work
  18. Suburbanites who think The Truman Show had a sad ending
  19. Golfers but not caddies
  20. Self-described “racialists”
  21. Vintage flag collectors
  22. Cockfight breeders
  23. Disgraced former Major League Baseball players
  24. Our bravest slumlords
  25. The six people left who still read Bari Weiss
  26. Loud hermits
  27. Teens who use Facebook
  28. Water deniers
  29. Closeted cuck fetishists who use “cuck” as an insult online
  30. Big Jay, this great big guy from Oklahoma
  31. Prison rapists
  32. New Yorkers who fled New York in March and now blog about how it’s just not the same city it used to be
  33. Silk Stalkings fan convention organizers
  34. White Yale students who feel oppressed being white at Yale
  35. Papas John and Smurf
  36. Overly competitive Monopoly players
  37. The gummy bears that talk to him when he’s sitting on the toilet
  38. Adam Carolla

Columnist at GEN. Co-founder, Defector. Author of Point B.

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