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Why Men Won’t Apologize
They feel entitled to forgiveness in the same way they feel entitled to say and do awful things to women
What is it about powerful men and apologies? Were they out sick that day in kindergarten, or do they really believe that making amends for bad behavior is simply beneath them? Don’t bother responding — we all know the answer.
This week, two men gave master classes in how not to apologize. After Florida Rep. Ted Yoho called Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez a “fucking bitch” in earshot of a reporter, the congressman took to the House floor to address his comments. His mea culpa? Denying that he ever used “the offensive name-calling words attributed to me by the press” and apologizing for “their misunderstanding.” And while Rep. Yoho admitted to having an “abrupt manner” of speaking, he insisted he “cannot apologize for my passion.”
The same day that Rep. Yoho did this rhetorical dance, another powerful man was choreographing his own. Troy Young, president of Hearst Magazines, responded to accusations of sexual harassment — one woman recalled him telling her that, while on a date, she should put her fingers in her vagina and ask the man if he liked the smell — by noting that “the strength of my commitment is ambitious, and I sincerely regret the toll it has taken on some in our organization.” A Hearst spokesperson added that Young’s “relentless pursuit of excellence was at times combined with a brash demeanor that rubbed some the wrong way.”
So men’s harassment and verbal abuse, we’re told, is actually “passion,” “ambition,” and “excellence.” It’s almost as if they’re not sorry at all.
Rep. Ocasio-Cortez responded on Thursday to Rep. Yoho’s “apology” in a speech that I’m willing to bet will be cited decades from now in feminist textbooks. She talked about how women have had to deal with verbal abuse and harassment throughout their lives — whether at bars or on the steps of the Capitol. She spoke about how the language…
