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Why We Can’t Sleep
Who can sleep during all of this?
I’ve always had issues with sleep: One of my earliest memories is wandering around the halls of my childhood home in the middle of the night, unable to get back to bed. Decades later, I’m still doing the same thing.
I’ve tried melatonin and prescription sleeping pills, weighted blankets, eye masks, and rain sounds. I invested in a SAD lamp (which actually is helpful) and supplements to lower my cortisol levels (less helpful). How I’ve slept on a given night will determine my entire day — my mood, my appetite, my ability to work or function as a partner and parent. Getting a good night’s sleep requires more attention than I’d like to admit. But over the past few years, I finally found the right combination of things to help me get the best rest I possibly can — in part by accepting that I’ll always be a bit of a night owl, requiring a healthy dose of sunlight when I wake up and Ambien when I’m ready to go to bed.
Then the pandemic hit. Who the fuck can sleep now?
Really — are any of you sleeping? All of my hard work and routines have gone out the window. I’m lucky if I fall asleep by 3a.m.; it’s a miracle if I get more than four or five hours of rest in a night. It’s the everyday stress, definitely, but it’s also the Groundhog Day boredom, the…