Column
The Hater’s Guide to Mike Bloomberg
The first in a series of candidate roasts leading up to the Iowa caucuses, the New Hampshire primary, and Super Tuesday
Some people are supporters of Mike Bloomberg. But many, many more people are NOT supporters of Mike Bloomberg. This post is for those in the latter group.
Your candidate
Less aggro Rupert Murdoch.
His résumé
Michael Bloomberg amassed billions of dollars — the kind of obscene fortune that deserves to be roundly stigmatized by every living American — by selling computer terminals to brokerages that essentially serve as the dot matrix printers of the financial industry. From there, he built a business news empire that now serves as a fire hose of assorted brand propaganda. This is a more genial form of propaganda compared to what you get with Fox News and, therefore, easier to get away with.
Bloomberg later went on to become mayor of New York, and then, like the guy he replaced in City Hall and the guy who replaced him, decided running for president was the logical next step for his political career. Rudy Giuliani, Bloomberg, and Bill de Blasio all became infected with the delusion that people outside of New York give a rat’s ass about who’s mayor of New York. They do not.
I blame 9/11 for this delusion. Before 9/11, the reason New Yorkers elected a mayor was specifically so they could bitch about that mayor. All other Americans knew this to be the case and ignored these mayors accordingly. That’s still very much the case, only no one apprised recent mayors of this. Remember after 9/11, when Rudy Giuliani decided the mayor of New York was America’s mayor and that he should be mayor for life? Well, every New York mayor now believes the former is an eternal truth, and Bloomberg literally changed term-limit laws during his tenure to make the latter more possible. Pretty awesome shit!
