YOUTH NOW
“I Knew I Was Being Watched, and People Were Waiting for Me to Fall”
A hustler’s notes on growing up too fast, and not growing up at all
“I thought you was older. So mature for your age.”
— General Adults
As a shorty, I was always hit with the notion that I was “growing up too fast.” This could be my walk, becoming a “switch.” Or pop, lock, and dropping my Laffy Taffy at family functions, asking for attention. Here I am thinking that MFs love me.
I was old enough to understand that I was growing titties and all the women in my family thick, so of course an ass is coming. My mother loves to dance. My aunt was a fashion designer. And my other aunt taught me how to walk with the weight of school and books on my back. And America’s Next Top Model had a black woman. All these things were my favorite things about being a girl. ’Cause all the other things I wanted to be—things that made me a girl—didn’t fit.
I fucked with the boys. They didn’t worry about how old I was, and they knew that touching my ass was instant-dead. They wanted to know how fast I could run or how much money I had saved. Women wanted to know if I was kissing yet, if I had a boyfriend.
