Column
Coronavirus Made a Big Mistake Invading the Greatest Goddamn Country on Earth
If the ’rona didn’t want a roundhouse kick to the face, it should have stayed the eff out of ‘Merica
Listen folks, I’m not here to sugarcoat things. This coronavirus has already robbed many of us of our lives, our jobs, our life savings, and even our baseball. This virus is the enemy. It is its own axis of evil. It has invaded our shores and plundered. It has declared war on every LEGALLY BORN citizen of the United States.
Well guess what, ’rona? You just fucked with the wrong country. Because these colors? They don’t run. Not even on a mask. If it’s war you want, then by God it’s war you’re gonna get. And all of us are ready to take you on. We aren’t afraid to get our hands dirty this time around. No sir. We’re gonna get our hands dirty and smelly and sweaty, and then we’re gonna wrap those hands around your sorry little neck! A lot of countries are scared of you, ’rona. They flee to their houses, and they hide, and they hope you’ll go away. That’s just what you expect, isn’t it? You don’t expect a country to take you on MAN TO VIRUS. But this country will.
We’ll fight this virus with our bare hands if we have to. We will hold the virus down and choke it for a…
