Column
Let Us Now Praise the Dad Stance
Warning: This post contains dad jokes. Because it’s almost Father’s Day, kids.
I am a father of three and, like all other dads throughout world history, I am hard-wired by Mother Nature to humiliate my children at every conceivable turn. I don’t have to say anything to accomplish this. I don’t have to start up a conversation about “the TikTok” when my daughter has a friend over for a socially distant hang. I don’t have to walk into the TV room during a kissing scene and shout out “WHATCHA WATCHIN’, A PORNO MOVIE?!” I don’t have to ask them if they have a crush. All I have to do is stand there and assume a proper Dad Stance. Allow NFL owner Dan Snyder, who was allowed to breed for reasons unknown to the rest of mankind, to demonstrate the stance in question:
See now, that’s perfect. Look at Snyder’s form. He’s got his hands on his hips, which is key. Why, he’s downright pinching those hips, clinging to them as tightly as he does his team’s racist-ass nickname. Men don’t have hips, but that has NEVER stopped any dad…
