Column
Your Guide to Shaming Idiot People Who Don’t Take Covid-19 Seriously
Because not all offenders are equally offensive (or contagious)
I don’t know about you, but there’s nothing I enjoy more than feeling superior to other people. This has been especially true during the pandemic because it has gifted America a veritable parade of wingnuts, denialists, hucksters, and shitbags whose breathtaking inferiority now constitutes a dire national emergency. Bereft of national leadership when it comes to virus prevention, we’ve been forced to rely on each other to keep the country safe, or at least as safe as it can possibly be at the moment. The good news is that, this time, we know the basics of how to prevent mass contagion: wear masks, keep your distance, and don’t be inside with large groups of strangers.
The bad news is how many Americans — including fucking governors — are not only ignoring these basics but doing so proudly. Turns out the only thing more contagious than the coronavirus is our collective idiocy. We can’t yet mitigate this at the voting booth because 1) the national election isn’t until November, 2) to find your local voting booth, you must first answer a series of intricate riddles posed by John Roberts, and 3) the voting booth just tested positive. Hence, the only available weapon…
