Column
The Hater’s Guide to Elizabeth Warren
She had a plan for everything except backpedaling on her biggest, boldest plan
Some people are supporters of Elizabeth Warren. But many, many more people are NOT supporters of Elizabeth Warren. This 2020 GEN hater’s guide, the fifth in an already famed and illustrious series, is for those in the latter group.
Your candidate
Hermione Granger, if Hermione Granger lied about having Muggle ancestry.
Her résumé
Junior senator from Massachusetts. Inevitable runner-up in the Democrats Who Are Actually Democrats sector of the primary. Patriots fan. GUHHHHHHHHH. You grew up in Oklahoma, Elizabeth Warren! Being a Sooners fan is PLENTY evil already. There’s no need to ingratiate yourself with a somehow even worse fan base.
Sorry. Got off track there for a moment. Let’s go through Warren’s résumé for a moment, because hers is the kind of track record that makes her almost overqualified to become president. Can’t think of any other past candidate like that, no, I cannot! Anyway, Warren started off as a special needs teacher. Then she became a bankruptcy lawyer, a consumer advocate, and a professor at Harvard. You know the old saying that the road to hell is paved…
