Column
America Is Gonna Save the Democratic Establishment by Destroying It
Bernie Sanders won in New Hampshire. But that won’t stop the old guard from pretending like it still doesn’t matter.
Bernie Sanders won New Hampshire last night. As it stands right now, Sanders is the odds-on favorite to win the Democratic nomination at FiveThirtyEight, at RealClearPolitics, or at whatever other political sportsbook suits your fancy. He’s gonna win this thing. But before he does, we’re gonna be forced to hear every last Establishment pud tell you why he can’t or why he shouldn’t, and then you’ll hear them interpret the returns in the least favorable way possible for him. (Wow, such a strong showing tonight for Not Bernie with nearly 75% of the votes!) That goes for Sanders’ rival candidates, including the ASCENDANT Amy Klobuchar, who blasted her way to a remarkable third-place finish last night and currently has a robust 2.6% chance of winning South Carolina. WOW. Huge. It’s like I’m watching a rocket take off!
That also includes you, Mike Bloomberg. And you too, Dreaded Mayor Pete. You possess Ted Cruz’s debate club pedigree and his winning personality, so congrats on securing a job on the Lockheed Martin board when this is all said and done! And Joe Biden! You, ol’ Joe, are…
